im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize