To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
