Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
