Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
