I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
