She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
