ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
