Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize