She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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