Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
