I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
