my mouth tastes like poor choices
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
