fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I fill condoms, not promises.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
