One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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