so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
