I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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