I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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