i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
