No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
