i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
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