Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
