saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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