I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
