I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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