Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
