My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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