you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
