Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
