You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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