He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize