You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
