the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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