can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
