My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My vagina is officially offended.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
