A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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