Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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