Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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