lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
