he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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