i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I deserve this hangover.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
