she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
