i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I did not marry a roomba.
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