I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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