i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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