1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize