Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
