Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
