he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You are a genius and a whore.
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