i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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