The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
