i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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