Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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