next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
