Kiss
Puke
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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