I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
