Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
