I CAN MOONWALK!
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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