i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
