btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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