I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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