I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
