Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I touched a dick in church today
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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