The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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